Breakin' up

Dear C

I refuse to feel this way anymore. And I know I was warned, but I loved you anyway, not knowing how addicted I would be to you.

Look at me, look what your love has wrought. See my thin frame, my lifeless skin. Hear the erratic beat of my heart, the breathlessness in my voice. See me lie to cover for you. See me throwing away what little money I have on you.

Yes, I know you were always there for me. On cold winter nights, lazy summer days and stormy monsoon afternoons. You were there- all I had to do was stretch out my hand. But I know that wasn’t a privilege I was accorded exclusively. You were there for anyone who had money to spend on you.

And you came cheap, didn’t you?

But no, this wasn’t supposed to be a diatribe against you. I knew what you were like. I entered this with my eyes open. My friends thought you were cool, so I decided to see what you were all about.

A few stolen kisses, and I was lost.

And you know the saddest part? Right now, even as I speak of giving you up, all I want is to hold you, feel you against my lips and inhale that heady scent of you.

But…

I want to be a mother someday. And to be a woman means you have to think not only about yourself, but also about your unborn children. And I don’t want to raise a family with you.

I can’t take that chance. Don’t want to see the condemnation on my children’s faces for saddling you with them. Don’t want them to repeat my mistakes and fall for someone like you.

My birthday’s coming up. And that day I will give myself the greatest gift- a life without you.

I know I will never really get over you. Songs will remind me of you. Lonely nights I’ll remember that you’re only a breath away. And I'll yearn for you, for the way you used to make me feel.

And always, always….the smell of you… alluring..drawing me in.

But I WILL give you up.

And maybe, I will finally be able to breathe easy again.

DIE..

Love,

A cigarette-free Ku2.

p.s. Tried some new emoticon-y stuffs, and now I'm :p -ing up all over the place.I sooo suck at this tech stuffs. But this is an irreverent post anyway, so bring on the :p Lol, I love this. This has got to be the most unsentimental break up letter ever. HAH!