Saturday, April 2, 2011

Downers and uppers

Had my 28th birthday on the 30th and it wasn't as painful as I had envisaged. Been having kind of a pre-midlife crisis on and off since last year, heh. What with the media forcing it into our heads that old is awful, I've been thinking about how I'm aging. Yeah. Bought myself Olay's youth creams, a perfume that promises to make you smell like a "teenage dream" or something, which I gave away to a friend because I feel it makes me smell like a cougar in lamb's skin. Agonised over the tyres that suddenly seem to flop all over my body, wondering where my super-fast metabolism has gone. Resolved every night to get up early and exercise, then moodily stay up drinking stomach-bloating coke.

On top of that, I have PMS-induced weepies, so I find myself getting teary-eyed over the silliest things- the thought of Ted Mosby not marrying Robin, a pic of a friend's super-cute ex girlfriend who has now married someone else, my nephew blowing spit bubbles in his sleep, old songs, my boyfriend's thoughtful gestures, old clothes that no longer fit, old photographs... sigh. You name it, I get weepy over it.  [Placebo album cover posted here to emphasise the intransigence of things and yeah, sleeping with ghosts, well, not literally sleeping with, but still courting them and feeling completely useless, blah] And the only way these PMS-weepies are going to end is when I get the crimson tide. Awesome prospect :(

Now on to the advantages of becoming old(er):
- I can get embarrassed and laugh over it: My friends and I have this habit of calling each other by the cheesiest of endearments. Last night, while chatting, I accidentally clicked on some other girl's name instead of Rodi's and I called her, "Hello, my lovely love". She was just some random chick who added me and I dont even know who she was. She didn't respond- too freaked out, I suppose, or maybe she did, I don't know, cos I logged off immediately after. Rodi and I had a good laugh at the thought of her staring blank-faced at her screen, wondering why I had propositioned her.
On my birthday too, I went out with my man, and he had to go, so I went home alone, loaded with bags and a damaged umbrella. Said umbrella flew out of my hands and went billowing off in the middle of the road, causing a minor traffic jam. Red-faced I went to retrieve it and here I must note the politeness of Mizo drivers- no one hooted. Which kind of made it more embarrassing, in a way. So I phoned my guy, for the lulz.

- Jobs and the prospect of monehhh: I have 3 tentative job offers, though nothing definite as yet. What made it awesome was that I had not actively sought them out, but they were offered to me rather out of the blue, woot. Not that anything solid's been said, but I'm on their list should the opp come up, woohoo. And I'll finally be getting my long awaited grant, so, woot again.

- Sisters become awesomer:  Sis #2 and her hubby called me at the stroke of midnight to sing me a bday song, Then they came over for dinner and gifted me their baby's extra Babywipes. "It's really good for the skin", they said with straight faces. Then after about an hour they gave me my real gift.All after I had smiled bemusedly and wondered why mummyhood had taken chic-hood out of my sister.
Sister #4 took over cooking duties from me. Then when her son crapped all over me, she smiled placidly and said, "Your'e getting free training for when you become a mom". Sister #5 gifted me cloth pieces. "You can have them stitched any way you like, any way at all".  I was a bit piqued that Sis#1 forgot my birthday, but turns out she had sent over some clothes when #4 and #5 went visiting, and the two monsters had quietly divvied them up between themselves. Ah well, they make me laugh anyway.

- I finally look good in pink: I had always shunned pink because it made me look like a walking diabetic hazard. Too sickeningly sweet and all that. Now pink makes me look "glowingly youthful", without looking like Im trying too hard, so yay. Another colour to add to my wardrobe.

-I've finally learnt how to say "no"-to an extent:  With age comes an awareness of what you want and what you don't. So I don't get bamboozled as much by pushy people into doing what I'd rather not do. And I no longer drag myself to every religious or community function because of the fear that if I don't, people might say bad things about me. I make time for them, but I now attend because I want to, and not because I feel obligated. I'm still learning to figure out how to change the things I can, and to accept what I can't. Me being me, this is the hardest of all lessons, but I'm progressing. And I've learnt to stop emo-ing too much. I'm more in control of my feelings, and no, I'm not becoming cynical, just a little stronger.

- Friends and lovers are keepers: Butterfly friending and dating is now a thing of the past. While I don't keep people out, the ones I have in my life are keepers. I know they truly care, that they'll tell me unbrutally when my ass is huge (it almost always is, anyway), that I can trust them with my ickiest secrets and they'll cringe but they'll love me anyway. Which makes me feel really, really secure right now.

So yeah, I may not rock a short skirt anymore (not that I ever really did, so its not much of a loss), or be able to walk for miles without breaking a sweat, or eat pounds of food and have them all come out in the form of bodily wastes, but life is still good. I still get heart-poundingly romantic with my man after 6 years, still giggle like schoolkids with my friends, still wake up in the mornings sure that something great is gonna happen today. And now I get up faster after being knocked down, I can roll with the punches and give back as good if I want to. And there's still room for new things. I discovered I actually dont mind watching cricket, maybe not in its entirety (such a looooong game) but bits and parts of it. So lemme go back to watching the finals now.
 Life's good. so here's a cool, pretty picture to detract from the ghostly one.

Be happy, all.
And here's a song too, for good measure.