Wednesday, September 29, 2010

September and loss.

September seems to be a month for loneliness. M2M wailed about "September 22nd, Sunday, 25 after 9" (The day you went away), Taylor Swift sang "September saw our month of tears"(Tim McGraw). PWT's also sang about "Lonely September", Daughtry rasped, "We reach for something that's already gone" in "September" and yes, Green Day hated this month so much that they slept thru it, asking to be awakened only when September ends. Anymore sad September songs I've missed? (Daughtry pic posted for eye-candy purposes, but havta admit he looks like an air-head hefty wrestler here. Oh well)

I lost and found love this September, albeit love of two very different kinds. I found love when I was told that the recipient of that love asks for nothing in return but that we love Him to the best of our abilities. That His love is patient and that it waits until we are ready. That it does forgive and forget failures. I lost love when my needs were greater than my willingness to meet other's  needs.

I suppose, in the human context, I've never really learnt what selfless love really is. I hated the phrase "If you love someone, you have to be willing to set them free" because for me love was all about holding on and on and on. As long as I love that person, I thought, I had the right to hold on to him. In my selfish quest for love, I focused only on what I felt, forcing my needs and my emotions on someone else, unthinking of the other person's state of mind. Harsh lesson learnt.

October's just around the corner. I don't know why but I've always looked forward to October, some atavistic feeling of nostalgia for the "Khuangchawi Thla" of my ancestors, I guess. September has seen me finally learning that love IS about setting someone free, despite my very selfish inclination to hang on like a limpet. The hope remains that that love will return someday, and while the old me would never have had the patience to wait for that elusive "someday", today's me has found a love that gives me the courage to wait, to hope and to endure if that hope never materialises. 

With the end of September, Im stirring from my slumber. I've gained some kind of wisdom and a great love, so September, despite my title, isn't actually a loss. Hope your Septembers were as fruitful.


Mimihrahsel said...

Will tell you my very own version (hihi).. "If you really love someone, set them free, if they return, you'll know they are yours forever, but when they return, and you've already met someone, then its their loss.. muahahahaha" :D "muahahahaha" lai hi a pawimawh ania. lolzz..

anyways, I find this September very boring. I even used "Wake me up when September ends" as my fb status a few weeks back. It has been raining too long, so many landslides and losses. Can't wait for winter to come

Mimihrahsel said...

e.. leh loks, "September saw our month of tears" chhiar lai khian ka lo sa pah vel.. haha. E chuan, hei tuna i blog a comment dawn a word verification ka ziah tur tak hi chhelo tops.. "trultums" hahaha

ku2 said...

Lolzzzz, i sawi chhan ka sia. hehe.
landslide chu ee, hmanniah kan komthlang a min hrepa, hahthlaks tops, nuamlau. Oct hi nuam, weather nuam si, moon a beautiful thei si, mi zawng2 pawh hi an thar surh in ka hria :D
Happy trultumings.

Eveline said...

Hope you'll always remember that people you meet are traveling bodies on their own paths that happen to align with yours for a few spins around the sun.

Contentment is understanding and acceptance and love of what happens to you in the present, without trying to grapple with the reality of what it is. It is gratitude for what occurs as it occurs. :)

Lucy In The Sky said...

Ku2, Ka bo rei em? Tunlai chu ka thlarau nunram a chau a blog pawh ka hawng ngai meuh lo a nih hi.

jay-me said...

dont get too harsh on yourself dear, sieze the world by the hands and unleash that optimistic fury we envy in're tough..come october,you'd be renewed rite??lol spirituality has taken the liveliness out of you???lol :)) kidding oo

Anonymous said...

hmmm, kuku..khawi ah nge i awm a?

ku2 said...

Sorry for the late replies guys. Havent been online much.
@Eve: Yes! Finally starting to learn how to count my blessings.And it feels so mch better :D

@Lucy: Aw. I reh. Awm alom, Nge ilo chauh a. Keep on fighting, girl.

@Jayme: My energy is channeled towards other areas now, I s'pose.heh. 'Sides, Im feeling very "zen" right now. No optimistic fury but a quietly bubbling exuberance :D
@Anon: He?