Thursday, May 20, 2010

King Jeremy the Queen

No, am not talking about drag queens..

The queen I'm talking about had a rabid jungle cat for a mother and Mephistopheles the demon as her father.

Her previous owners gave her the insipid name "Brownie" but after a day with her we renamed her Jeremy after a Pearl Jam song about a good looking boy who went off the rails and shot all his classmates.

"King Jeremy the wicked
ruled his world"

She was beautiful with her sleek body, her tawny red-gold and black stripes and golden eyes. And she was meaaaannnn >:(

She had an unerring instinct for detecting cat-haters and whenever one came to our house, she would jump them, sinking her claws into their legs and hanging on stubbornly while they whirled in a panicked dance. She never responded when we called, but the moment we sit down to read the newspaper, she'd sprawl right on the paper, giving us a challenging look.

And when we reprimanded her, she'd stand on her hind legs and wave her claws at her, daring us to a cat-fight. She refused the food we gave her and subsisted instead on the sparrows around our home. She also hunted us. Sis Ayie gave her the Mizo name "Puss-phaki".

One day she came home pregnant and meaner than ever. We had a gentle, eager-to-please pregnant dog at the time too and Jeremy went and scratched the poor dog everyday. And the stupid dog always protected her from other cats and dogs.

She gave birth to two lovely kittens, while dog had three puppies. When one of the pups died, dog nudged her all day, licking her and whining softly. And Jeremy- Jeremy ATE her babies.

I threw her out of the house. I learnt later that cats sometimes kill their young if they were too weak to survive. But at the time I didnt know it, and I was too angry with devil cat that not only did I throw her out, I gave her a kick too.

Jeremy never forgave. Vengeance was her middle name- King Jeremy "Vengeance" Puss-phaki Pachuau. Long name. And Pachuau girls are said to be stubborn and domineering, and while submissive, docile me never had those traits, they were magnified manifold in Jeremy. She avenged sevenfold herself on us.

She cursed the family, and especially me. I failed my XII Boards that year and my sisters also did horribly in their studies too. Not only that she puked every morning right at our front door. She also shredded my mom's plants.

But her biggest retaliatory move was to entice every tomcat she came across, and lure them into our backyard, and they did the deed at midnight. And she would yowl reaaaallly loudly and primally and it greatly embarrassed us. Hell, her primal screams would have made the Marquis de Sade blush. Anyway, she gave birth to a lot of babies over the years and they inter-mated and proliferated and terrorized us. We were lucky none of her spawn were as vindictive as she was. Their genes were probably diluted by the spineless tomcats she mated with. Now if she had gotten together with the Hitler-lookalike cat that lived a few houses away from us, it would have been a different story.

I don't know how Jeremy met her end. She wanted to keep us guessing, I guess. Most probably she went and died at a cat-hater's house just to freak them out. She was like that.

So this is why I will probably never have a cat again. Not because I hate cats but because after Jeremy, every other cat seems really tame and insipid and boring. And I also find it hard to respect dogs. Maybe one day I'll get myself a dog that looks like a wolf....


aduhi said...

Nice name for a cat. Me, I'm more of a dog person. Growing up, we always had one dog or the other, only had a cat once a loooong loooong time ago. But the thing with pets is, it so utterly tragic when they die.

PS - I'm linking you in my blog, hope you don't mind.

ku2 said...

Thanks Aduh, I have already taken the liberty of linking you in mine without informing you..I'm horribly impolite that way.

My dad gave away our dog Te-i (blessed with a short name unlike Jeremy)bcos we were all in boarding school and the man who asked gave him a sob story about a sick daughter and how they were too poor to afford a dog for her. Well, that man went and killed Te-i and ate her. To this day, none of us have forgiven him.

jay-me said...

hey tell me ol abt linking also yaaar Is this jeremy the stray cat from the neihbours? i hate cats, dogs n evry other 4-legged creatures..once i kicked a neighbr's cat bt she happened 2 b pregnt at the time n had a miscarriage...i regretted that moment n tried 2 make up 4 it by feeding her bt she mistook this as a welcome gesture 4 more kittens ewww! i had 2 throw out a number of kittens from home(bt delicately of course)..n she took the hint i guess...she's nowhere 2 b found these days!

Mimihrahsel said...

I hate cats! they are so phakar! lol.. seriously, I used to have one a long time ago, in spite of me being allergic to its furs and asthma-causing attack risk.. I still kept it. And it would come home only for food, and goes and stays at my neighbour's house only becoz they have warm fire..hmph!
I love dogs coz they are faithful! but im allergic to their furs too :-(

ku2 said...

Haha, Mimi Hrahsel ve ve in ni, heh, ho :D

@James: ngahnge chute chu vawiina i rawn len khan min zawh loh? Ka hriat dan a mumal biklo lutuk keipawh.. ihhh, dashboard, layout kal la, chuan reading list emoni a oma, tah chuan tihdan a awm a...ihhh, i dont know how to say! I shall show you okhai? Inla veteran viau mah ila ka thiam bik lauuu

@Mimi: Dogs are too easy. you kick them and then two minutes later, call them, they'll still come running happily.. Cats are too proud though, but thats why I love them- I like the challenge of getting them to come to me. Dog lovers hi an fel tlangpui an ti (xcept for the ones who have attack dogs). chuan cat lovers hi an rilru a thliarkar anti bok.

Anonymous said...

The post reminds me of the crazy cat-lady from The Simpsons on the one episode where she uses her cats as ammunition.. hehe..
Good read, dramatic tales too. I'm a dog person, not fond of cats, they are too.. catty! I don't trust any 4-legged animal that needs to hide its own crap! My dogs crap right in the middle of our driveway (and I do mean the middle) for all to see, no shame there!
And their eyes, they don't even look right, they look left.. lolz! But seriously, they're downright freaky. And superstitions and horror movies associated with cats aplenty too. You never hear of Dogs being Bad Omen. They are Men's best friend, every dog has their day, etc.. etc.

Lucy In The Sky said...

lolzz..I like cats, had lots of them a loong time ago. I had one like Jeremy too. A trawp reuh lutuk. Kan chaw ei lai te hian chhuat laiah nau a nei a a vir kual vak vak a, ni 2 hnuah a lo ei zo vek zel. Kha zawhte kha chu a chiangkuang vak lo. A zaidam em em tho si a nih chu.

Calliopia said...

LMWAO (w for wrinkled in case you're wondering) what a seriously hilarious read! Totally cracked me up. Good luck with the wolf-like dog. Careful it doesn't morph into a werewolf by night :P

ku2 said...

@Black: Crazy cat-lady??? :p But I kinda like the idea of using cats as ammo: "the curse of Jeremy be upon you and..."
Whaddya mean dogs aren't freaky? Stephen King's dog Cujo and and..Snoop Dogg are downright freaky.Courage the Cowardly Dog and the gay dog on Southpark are freaky too :p
I think the reason most guys like dogs is bcos dogs give em what they can never hope to have from a woman- blind, dumb devotion and obedience muahahah..

@Lucy: LOLzzzz, you are the crazy cat lady :D
In zawhte chu ka rap reuh, chiangkuang vaklo lai tak kha, hihihi.. Figures that you and I would like cats, ti cheng chung chi ngaitheilo ve ve, hehe

ku2 said...

@Calliopia: Wrinkled? Haha, I dont think so, I heard you do a lot of 'facials' there :D
I don't want a tame pet, I'd rather animals retain their natural charm (though it would be a huge problem if wolf-dog goes and bites a lot of people)

Jerusha said...

hahaha loved it! Why don't we see more posts like these everyday. We have too many preachy sermony posts (I know we need our daily bread, but still..), or patriotic ones, all posts seem bend on some intent, to do good for the family, for the person, for the home land et al. But real writing are just random scribbles like these :)

I remember the Pearl Jam Jeremy vid and how cute I thought that boy was :)

And, I've ever had a cat only once in my life who also ate her babies and I've been off cats ever since.

ku2 said...

Hey Jerusha, thanks for appreciating my warpedness :D I thought I should be writing more 'relevant' stuffs but I'm not too good at that (nor thaaatt interested).
Jeremy was cute, wasnt he, and that made what he did even creepier.

And ohh, why do cats have to eat their young?