I had a horrible childhood on account of boys. Yes, boys. First of all, I wasn't one. But I was elected to be the honorary boy among us five sisters and that put a lot of pressure on me because I wasn't a tomboy exactly, but I had to do guy stuff. And yet I still liked girly stuff, but every time I and my sisters played with dolls, I was given the ugliest doll (Still can't figure out the logic in that).
Also, my male cousins treated me horribly because I had no male skills and yet I wasn't all-girl either. I was/still am very klutzy and uncoordinated. I could only get till stage 8-2 of Mario Brothers and could complete Contra only with unlimited lives, so no one wanted to play video games with me. I was always the first to be killed at Inthrengkah. In hindsight I think they killed me off first deliberately so that they could get rid of me. I was always the last to be picked for football teams and I always played defence- badly too, I should add. And they always demonstrated their newly learned wrestling holds on me, and when I cried, they would call me a "Tuai".
And I sucked at girly stuff too. While my sisters made perfect stitches and knits, mine always came undone and I poked myself with the needles. So I tried to learn guy stuff like cycling but my super-protective dad insisted on treating me like a girl and forbade me and my sisters from learning how to cycle because we could fall and die. I asked one of my cousins to teach me secretly and he said, "Girls shouldn't cycle because cycling can make you lose your virginity". I didn't know what a virginity was then, but it sounded like something I shouldn't lose, so I ended up not learning.
Then I tried to learn how to play the guitar, but none of my male cousins would teach me because I wasn't a bonafide boy and 'only boys should play the guitar'. So I tried to teach myself secretly after stealing one of my cousins' booklet on how to play the guitar. For days I tried to get clumsy fingers to play, and I managed to learn a couple of keys. But the pads of my fingers got terribly calloused. I had a crush on this boy in my class, then. I used to do the "Star light, star bright, first star I see tonight" wish so that the teacher would make me sit next to him in class, that was all I wanted then.
Then one day my wish came true! There he was, my crush, sitting next to me in class and me, trying to act all cool and unconcerned about it. Then one day while trying to peek at a drawing I made, he suddenly grabbed hold of my hand and while I tried to still my pounding heart, he shouted, "Eheee, this girl has the strangest fingers I've ever seen! Look, look, they're all toughened up!" That night, I bade farewell to the guitar and hello to hand lotion. I never bagged that boy, though, and the ironic part is, a couple years later, he showed me his calloused hands which he claimed he got from playing the guitar. Bleh
Most people treat me like a genuine girl now, except for my male cousins. Some ten years back, one of them came over and talked about this girl whom he liked- about how pretty she is, how mischievous and yet feminine, and how she's a total princess. And when I smiled whimsically, he casually told me that I could never be the princess type because I didn't have what it took to inspire the "prince" in a guy. Which hurt terribly.
If my life was a book, a sparkly, vegetarian vampire would fall in love with me because I'm so clumsy and therefore, vulnerable and he would be totally protective of me. But life can be better than fiction and I found that there are guys who are neither sparkly, nor blood-sucking vegetarians, but who still fall for a girl who keeps on falling and falling. And I've acquired a few girly skills, my male cousins discarded their chauvinism and no longer treated me like a wussy boy, so life does get better. And I also found out I don't want to be a princess, being a girlfriend works out jes' fiiiinnee
Hah, who am I kidding- I thoroughly enjoyed my childhood. I miss my male cousins :(
Also, my male cousins treated me horribly because I had no male skills and yet I wasn't all-girl either. I was/still am very klutzy and uncoordinated. I could only get till stage 8-2 of Mario Brothers and could complete Contra only with unlimited lives, so no one wanted to play video games with me. I was always the first to be killed at Inthrengkah. In hindsight I think they killed me off first deliberately so that they could get rid of me. I was always the last to be picked for football teams and I always played defence- badly too, I should add. And they always demonstrated their newly learned wrestling holds on me, and when I cried, they would call me a "Tuai".
And I sucked at girly stuff too. While my sisters made perfect stitches and knits, mine always came undone and I poked myself with the needles. So I tried to learn guy stuff like cycling but my super-protective dad insisted on treating me like a girl and forbade me and my sisters from learning how to cycle because we could fall and die. I asked one of my cousins to teach me secretly and he said, "Girls shouldn't cycle because cycling can make you lose your virginity". I didn't know what a virginity was then, but it sounded like something I shouldn't lose, so I ended up not learning.
Then I tried to learn how to play the guitar, but none of my male cousins would teach me because I wasn't a bonafide boy and 'only boys should play the guitar'. So I tried to teach myself secretly after stealing one of my cousins' booklet on how to play the guitar. For days I tried to get clumsy fingers to play, and I managed to learn a couple of keys. But the pads of my fingers got terribly calloused. I had a crush on this boy in my class, then. I used to do the "Star light, star bright, first star I see tonight" wish so that the teacher would make me sit next to him in class, that was all I wanted then.
Then one day my wish came true! There he was, my crush, sitting next to me in class and me, trying to act all cool and unconcerned about it. Then one day while trying to peek at a drawing I made, he suddenly grabbed hold of my hand and while I tried to still my pounding heart, he shouted, "Eheee, this girl has the strangest fingers I've ever seen! Look, look, they're all toughened up!" That night, I bade farewell to the guitar and hello to hand lotion. I never bagged that boy, though, and the ironic part is, a couple years later, he showed me his calloused hands which he claimed he got from playing the guitar. Bleh
Most people treat me like a genuine girl now, except for my male cousins. Some ten years back, one of them came over and talked about this girl whom he liked- about how pretty she is, how mischievous and yet feminine, and how she's a total princess. And when I smiled whimsically, he casually told me that I could never be the princess type because I didn't have what it took to inspire the "prince" in a guy. Which hurt terribly.
If my life was a book, a sparkly, vegetarian vampire would fall in love with me because I'm so clumsy and therefore, vulnerable and he would be totally protective of me. But life can be better than fiction and I found that there are guys who are neither sparkly, nor blood-sucking vegetarians, but who still fall for a girl who keeps on falling and falling. And I've acquired a few girly skills, my male cousins discarded their chauvinism and no longer treated me like a wussy boy, so life does get better. And I also found out I don't want to be a princess, being a girlfriend works out jes' fiiiinnee
Hah, who am I kidding- I thoroughly enjoyed my childhood. I miss my male cousins :(
1 comment:
Come on girl, be kind to yourself.
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