Fake tales of freedom

"So," I tell him,  "there's this woman I know who has been diagnosed with manic-depressive disorder. We were talking the other day about freedom and she said, 'No matter how abnormally I act, people always indulge me because I'm 'insane'. It's like I have the license to misbehave! I feel so liberated!'"

"Interesting. That's one way of looking at it, I suppose," he says.

"She reminded me of this novel called 'The French Lieutenant's Woman' in which this character whatsername deliberately encourages her puritanical society's belief that she is a scarlet woman so that she could be ostracised from that society, and thereby be free of its sham conventions and moral obligations".

"How is it that you can recall my obscurest f**k-ups and yet be unable to remember any of the names of the characters in all the novels you've read?"

"..."

"You do, you know".

"Well, that's immaterial. What I'm trying to say is, is ultimate freedom only possible when one loses one's society? Because what we call freedom always comes with some kind of responsibility or an obligation to someone or something", I persist.

"Why is it that when you bring up some peeve, we have to talk it to death, but when I do, its 'immaterial?'"

"Fiiinneeee. What do you want to talk about then?"

"Never mind".

"Hmm, okay then".

.....

"If you truly loved me, you would not pretend not to know what I want to talk about."

"You're the guy! Guys are supposed to get straight to the point! So what do you want to talk about!?"

"Oh right, so its okay for you to gender-stereotype."

"What's with you???"

"Sorry. I'm just depressed".

.......

"It's also been said that true freedom exists when one knows one is loved unconditionally", he says after a while.

"I don't know. I don't really buy this unconditional love thing".

"So you believe in freedom through lunacy and ostracism, but not through love?"

"Bleh".

Where my head at??

Had to go to the university today by bus, so that meant I had to leave the house by 8:15 to catch the bus. I'm not a morning person and in the rush to get ready, I stuffed overdue library books, certificates, make-up, money and a pen haphazardly into my huge bag. Nanoi was waiting for me at the bus stop, and she kept messaging, "Are you almost here yet?", and as I clambered frantically into a taxi, I typed out a hasty message about a truck causing a traffic jam. Sent it to the wrong person, who accused me of being an attention-whore, wth? :( And that was just for starters. So here's a brief point-by-point account of how I left my brains in bed.

1. Forgot my purse, so transferred all my money into Nanoi's purse. Realised I had forgotten to xerox copies of my synopsis and one of my certificates, so had them done at the univ. Realised I had forgotten my registration form, the specific purpose of which I had gone to the univ, so I went and bought a fresh form.

2. Went to the library. Had to fork over Rs.460 in late fee fines. Upended the contents of my bag because I couldn't find my money. Remembered I had kept the money in Nanoi's purse.

3. My airheadiness became contagious. Filled out some forms, went away, Nanoi realised she had taken the librarian's pen, went back to return it, came back with her purse which she had forgotten at the librarian's table.

4. Went to lunch. Forgot to pay.

5. Waited for our guide, Miz DDB. Thought I'd fill out the forms while we waited. Couldn't find it. Realised I must have forgotten to collect it from the clerk when I bought the form.

6. Begged one of the clerks at the department to give me a lift to the Examination Department to retrieve the form. Reached there, made the clerk search through his desk, and under it because I thought the form must've been blown away by the non-existent wind. Couldn't find it, so I was about to buy another fresh form when Nanoi called to say she had the form with her. I had asked her to keep it because my bag was too full.

7. Rushed back, met DDB. Filled out forms while she chatted with Nanoi. Wrote in the forms that I belonged to the "Department of England". Had to rewrite.

8. Couldn't recall the date when my synopsis was accepted by the Board. DDB suggested I call the other scholars to find out the date. I didn't have their numbers, so I asked Nanoi to scroll through her contacts list for their numbers. Belatedly realised my synopsis had been approved way before theirs was.

9. Went to the office, asked the clerk to search through the files for the date. Accidentally spilled file papers. Had to rearrange them back in order.

10. Finally managed to fill out my form, Got spooked out by DDB's tales of how hard it was to balance work, marriage and research. Leisurely headed for the bus back home. Found out I had forgotten to get my form signed by the HOD.

Which means I have to go to the Univ again. Siiighhhh. I have never felt this exhausted in all my life. I think I've missed out some things, but I can't remember what exactly now. Edited: Why is there those blank white spots down there? I typed something there, but its coming out like that! What's happening to meeee


Why is this happening to me ? :( 


Edited: Why is that white spot there???