Sunday, August 5, 2012

Rambling

"Friends, lovers or nothing"- so sang John Mayer. Much as I love him, I disagree on this one, There is no "or".  You are all of those for me, shugababy.

Seen me at my best and at my worst. Seen me rant and rave at trivialities, make molehills out of mountains, seen me stumble, seen me afraid, seen how I have faked indifference for insecurity, pride for fear, flippancy for anguish.

 You whom I talk to when I'm happy, sad or embarrassed.  You whom I turn to, always. You who know me inside and out, and yet a mystery to you, for I hold back, fearful of scaring you away with how much I need you. Friend? yes, truly that. You are my punching bag, my soundboard, my champion, my reality check, my critic, and my love, yes, my love.

Lover? Yes, that you are. My all, my me, the rib from which I am purportedly created, my self, my completion, my love, my biggest strength, my biggest weakness. You are me and I am you, and yet, I do not know you fully, and you have yet to know me fully. My madness, my refuge, my calm and my storm. I camouflage my fear in arrogance and you create laughter. Yes, you laugh, you are sarcastic, you are brilliant, and I marvel everyday at your brilliance and I wish.. you know me. You know what my wishes are. You drive me to insanity. You take me to the brink, you fulfill me and yet I am left wanting more. I dance to your tune, a desperate, mad little dance, my darling, and you with your simple, kind, large-hearted way, am unaware of my insanity, of my desperate dance.

Nothing, my love, nothing. That is all I can give you. "Life is ...a tale, told by an idiot, full of sound and fury, signifying nothing". I am the sound, I am the fury, and I signify nothing.

I grieve, my love. This is my way of grieving.

I've never been a poet(ess). In the end, it is in empty words that I try to express myself, that in which I try to find succor, that in which I seek refuge.

Happy friendship day.

9 comments:

Mimihrahsel said...

Happy Friendship Day my love :)

mesjay said...

Beautiful, poetic post.

Mimihrahsel said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Mimihrahsel said...

E chuan ka sawi theihnghilh, told this to 'both' of you before, will tell you again. Lucky I'm in love with my bestfriend kha in inhmeh! :)

ku2 said...

@mimihrahsel and mesjay: thank you both muchly!

Mizohican said...

very nice post :) You're very lucky :)

ku2 said...

@mizohican: Thank youh!

Mizohican said...

This post reminds me of two blog posts I read today. One was about the things the blogger learnt today, and the other was a romantic story of an egg, a twig, a wing and a prayer. Very touching posts.

ku2 said...

wowwww :P