Can I write a Cosmo-type Article?

The Shocking Truth Behind His Shirt Preferences!!! (P.S. Ladies, This Could Save Your Life)

A guy's shirt preferences reveals who he really is, and how it can determine whether he's a keeper or an abuser. We break it up for you and also reveal what you can do to change his shirts and his personality.
By Perodita Fauxness

While a shirtless man is the ideal (Rowr!) it's a sad fact of life that more often than not, our men will insist on being clothed. While you might be concentrating on how the blue in his shirt makes his eyes pop, or how the colours give you an epileptic fit, his shirts actually reveal what's under the surface. No, that's not what we mean. Read on!

RUN!!

1. The Pastel Shirt Guy:  While a dude who likes his pastels (think pale yellow, baby blue or pink) might come off as a gentle man in touch with his feminine side, ladies- take heed! This is no gentleman! Dr. Pomona Fengfooey, author of the bestseller "Colours and the Mind" says, "Light colours detracts from the darker side of one's personality, so a shady personality type might choose those colours to appear less shady". The seemingly nice baby pink-wearing- nerd from Personnel who likes photography? - sweetie, his pictures are probably more "Upskirt Mart" than "Photographers Weekly"!

Baggage!!!

2. Solid Coloured Shirt Guy: Think blacks solid greys, navy blues, maroons, olive greens and browns. He seems lime a steady personality type, right? Oh no, sweet Mary, no! Just as pastels hide shadiness, solid colours hide the insecurities of a washed-out man! Men who prefer shirts like this, according to a research carried out by students at the University of Wiketa, are men with more baggage than a 747 can carry. Don't trust em!

Run Faster!!!

3. The White Shirt guy: Screams "Control Freak"!!  A guy who prefers wearing a colour that can magnify every little blemish, wrinkle and stain is a guy who tries to control his surroundings and everyone therein! If he lasts the day without a single speck on his pristine white shirt, then there is no clearer indication that he's a fussy, nit-picking, obsessively careful dude who will insist on every facet of your relationship being just as perfect and pristine!



4. The Stripes, Checks and Patterns Guy: Boring! Dr. Fengfooey reveals that people who prefer prints usually have mediocre intelligence, limited imaginations and are remarkably staid in bed. Nothing more needs to be said.

The Sweetheart! <3

5. The Bright, Loud multi-coloured shirt guy: Yes, he makes you feel like your'e ODing on LSD, and you think he has no sartorial know-how. But the bright shirted guy is actually a maverick and an artist at heart. He dares to go where few men have gone, and the colours reveal the depth, intensity and many-splendored-ness of his mind. This one's a keeper. Just invest in a few pairs of shades and your'e good to go.

Now that we've told you how to suss out a guy's personality via his shirt preferences, take a look at your man's wardrobe. If his shirts are solid coloured or patterned, drop a pellet or two of testosterone pills into his morning java and baby- he'll switch to a bright coloured shirt in no time! And if he wears pastels or, God forbid, white shirt, then get out of there ASAP. Get a new face, a new life, enter the Witness Protection Programme. Just run, baby, run!!

Eye Candy-Just Like That.

Since these findings are so new and recent, we have been unable to get real stories from real women like you and me. But be aware. Next time a news item pops up on the abuse of women, check the abuser's shirt. Nod wisely. Maybe that unfortunate woman did not read this article or maybe she chose to ignore it- and that's why she ended up like that. But you know better, right sister? So be aware.