Can I write a Cosmo-type Article?

The Shocking Truth Behind His Shirt Preferences!!! (P.S. Ladies, This Could Save Your Life)

A guy's shirt preferences reveals who he really is, and how it can determine whether he's a keeper or an abuser. We break it up for you and also reveal what you can do to change his shirts and his personality.
By Perodita Fauxness

While a shirtless man is the ideal (Rowr!) it's a sad fact of life that more often than not, our men will insist on being clothed. While you might be concentrating on how the blue in his shirt makes his eyes pop, or how the colours give you an epileptic fit, his shirts actually reveal what's under the surface. No, that's not what we mean. Read on!

RUN!!

1. The Pastel Shirt Guy:  While a dude who likes his pastels (think pale yellow, baby blue or pink) might come off as a gentle man in touch with his feminine side, ladies- take heed! This is no gentleman! Dr. Pomona Fengfooey, author of the bestseller "Colours and the Mind" says, "Light colours detracts from the darker side of one's personality, so a shady personality type might choose those colours to appear less shady". The seemingly nice baby pink-wearing- nerd from Personnel who likes photography? - sweetie, his pictures are probably more "Upskirt Mart" than "Photographers Weekly"!

Baggage!!!

2. Solid Coloured Shirt Guy: Think blacks solid greys, navy blues, maroons, olive greens and browns. He seems lime a steady personality type, right? Oh no, sweet Mary, no! Just as pastels hide shadiness, solid colours hide the insecurities of a washed-out man! Men who prefer shirts like this, according to a research carried out by students at the University of Wiketa, are men with more baggage than a 747 can carry. Don't trust em!

Run Faster!!!

3. The White Shirt guy: Screams "Control Freak"!!  A guy who prefers wearing a colour that can magnify every little blemish, wrinkle and stain is a guy who tries to control his surroundings and everyone therein! If he lasts the day without a single speck on his pristine white shirt, then there is no clearer indication that he's a fussy, nit-picking, obsessively careful dude who will insist on every facet of your relationship being just as perfect and pristine!



4. The Stripes, Checks and Patterns Guy: Boring! Dr. Fengfooey reveals that people who prefer prints usually have mediocre intelligence, limited imaginations and are remarkably staid in bed. Nothing more needs to be said.

The Sweetheart! <3

5. The Bright, Loud multi-coloured shirt guy: Yes, he makes you feel like your'e ODing on LSD, and you think he has no sartorial know-how. But the bright shirted guy is actually a maverick and an artist at heart. He dares to go where few men have gone, and the colours reveal the depth, intensity and many-splendored-ness of his mind. This one's a keeper. Just invest in a few pairs of shades and your'e good to go.

Now that we've told you how to suss out a guy's personality via his shirt preferences, take a look at your man's wardrobe. If his shirts are solid coloured or patterned, drop a pellet or two of testosterone pills into his morning java and baby- he'll switch to a bright coloured shirt in no time! And if he wears pastels or, God forbid, white shirt, then get out of there ASAP. Get a new face, a new life, enter the Witness Protection Programme. Just run, baby, run!!

Eye Candy-Just Like That.

Since these findings are so new and recent, we have been unable to get real stories from real women like you and me. But be aware. Next time a news item pops up on the abuse of women, check the abuser's shirt. Nod wisely. Maybe that unfortunate woman did not read this article or maybe she chose to ignore it- and that's why she ended up like that. But you know better, right sister? So be aware.

Second time around

Patty Smyth and Don Henley sang  "Sometimes love just ain't enough" and you scoff, unable to imagine what it is that love can't surmount. And there are those couples that seem made for each other, those that shine in each other's company, those who make you reinforce your belief that love IS enough.

And then comes the stark realization that your beliefs were wrong. You watch as they go their separate ways. You watch as he drinks himself to sleep at nights, and she gives up on her ambitions. Watch as they try to find other loves, feeling resentful of the other persons in their lives. Because, well, when seemingly perfect couples break up, it makes you question your own relationship, and you hold on tighter to what you have because it could just as well might be you, constantly looking back over your shoulder at a love you can't quite let go of.

You know she doesnt really love the new guy she's with and that, nice as he is, he's not the one for her. You try to be happy for her, but in the end you grow indifferent. Then she breaks up with the interim guy and you breath a silent sigh of relief- you so want her to be happy again. You watch as she slowly comes back to life and you're almost resentful of her old love for finding someone new, and then, out of the blue, she tells you about a new guy she's met. You're skeptical at first- would anything ever live up to what she once had? You pray this one's good for her and you warn her to be cautious. You don't want her to get hurt again.

But she decides not to heed your warnings and she leaps into it - bold, impetuous, impulsive and ecstatic. And you rejoice because she has proven you wrong. Its early days yet, but he seems alright. Most of all, SHE is alright. More than alright. Here's to love the second time around- more precious than the first for taking such a loong effing time to come around!

And so you wait impatiently for her to friggin come online, so that she could fill you in on all the details already!!

This one's for you, 'D! Sorry you have such intrusive friends who insist on feeling every emotion that your'e feeling. Muah, my leetle love. May you love and always be loved!!!