Lets start off with a question - Which country won the last World Cup? I can see a few eager hands - Spain you say? Wrong answer, Guess again. Italy? No, Idiots! It was Australia who won the CRICKET World Cup the last time it was played in 2007. Yes you ignoramuses, its natural to think that when one says "World Cup" everyone thinks about the Football World Cup but wonder of wonders, there is a Cricket World Cup and its being played again this year in India. Wowee So Exciting. No. Not Really!
Cricket must be one of the most boring games ever invented and I wouldn't have a thought to spare about it except for the fact that once in a while you get to see some pretty handsome lads from the various cricketing nations. I used to semi drool thinking about Imran Khan, Wasim Akram, Hansie Cronje :( and er.. uh.. Kapil Dev? Or maybe its because its the only "worldwide" game that India seemingly excels in (apart from Kabaddi) and once in a while its nice to be able to subconsciously root for your own nation in a tournament which they actually have a decent chance of winning.
I don't think I've ever watched a cricket game in its entirety. Forget entirety, I can't remember the last time I spent more than one minute watching any form of Cricket. To begin with, apparently there are numerous formats - Test matches, (Probably tested the patience of the players themselves since it must've been sooo boring!), One Day cricket (yeah ONE WHOLE DAY spent playing with balls and suchlike!), 20-20 format (can't be bothered to google what 20-20 cricket is.) Cricket fans actually spend FIVE whole days watching a Test match. No wonder the economy of India sucks and files move at such a slow pace in government offices. Even assuming that India plays a minimum of 10 test matches a year thats like fifty days of no work. And you can add the 30 to 40 one day games that India plays in a year to the list of "unofficial holidays"!!
The only time I even read about cricket is when cricketing issues assume diplomatic proportions between countries such as when Harbhajan Singh called an Australian player a monkey or when I read about the bad boy of Indian cricket Yuvraj Singh's various romances. Apart from that it seems like every self respecting cricket player is in every second ad on TV. The other day I saw Yuvraj Singh endorsing some kind of energy drink (I'm not surprised he needs "energy" drinks..), Sachin endorsing some tyre brand and then that Dhoni fellow insisting how simple it is to go online on facebook using the Aircel network. At this rate they'll run out of things to endorse and the only thing left to endorse would be sanitary pads. I can only imagine how that would go down - "Sachin: Stayfree Sanitary Pads - So comfortable that I wear them instead of normal batting pads for protection against fast bowlers!"
My research on this topic also introduced me to various cricketing terms -
silly point [I agree its pointless to play cricket],
no ball [Is it because they forgot to bring a cricket ball to the game?],
third man, [..but no first man or second man? What happened to them?],
bouncer [Do these "bouncers" stop underage kids from watching a game?],
leg break [Ooh sounds painful, careful fellas!],
maiden over [Did Yuvraj Singh bring a maiden over to his flat after the game?]
Straight Bat [ Cricket bats have sexual tendencies? Poor homosexual bats :(]
and so on and so forth..
silly point [I agree its pointless to play cricket],
no ball [Is it because they forgot to bring a cricket ball to the game?],
third man, [..but no first man or second man? What happened to them?],
bouncer [Do these "bouncers" stop underage kids from watching a game?],
leg break [Ooh sounds painful, careful fellas!],
maiden over [Did Yuvraj Singh bring a maiden over to his flat after the game?]
Straight Bat [ Cricket bats have sexual tendencies? Poor homosexual bats :(]
and so on and so forth..
Anyway back to this Cricket World Cup. It will be played in India/Bangladesh/Sri Lanka during the months of February and March with the grand final in Mumbai. If India does well and wins it then I'll probably say a tiny yay or something but apart from that, I won't be really paying attention to the goings on of Sachin Tendulkar and Co. To conclude this "testing" blogpost lemme add this explanation of cricket I found on some website -
The game of 'Cricket' VERY simply explained ......
- You have two sides of eleven men, (not including the twelfth man).
- One side is out in the field and one side is in.
- Each man that's in the side that's in goes out, and when he's out, he comes in and the next man goes in until he's out.
- When they are all out, the side that's out, comes in, and the side that's been in goes out and tries to get those coming in, out.
- Sometimes you get men still in and not out.
- When a man goes out to go in, the men who are out try to get him out, and when he is out he goes in and the next man in goes out and goes in.
- There are two men called umpires who stay all out all the time and they decide when the men who are in are out.
- After five days or so, when both sides have been in and all the men have been out, and both sides have been out twice after all the men have been in, including those who are not out, that is the end of the game!
Any questions? No, I didn't think so!! :D
19 comments:
you must be really pushed against the wall by the boredom of this 'gentleman's' game that made you write this hugely informative piece on it :)..
More then bored I get annoyed by this particular game cause of this whole Jingoism ( read patriotism) and crass commercialism that it feeds on! Particularly its sad to see traditionally football loving places like small towns and villages in parts of Northeast even..Its like its an affirmation of one's national identity !!
When sports pampers a nations ego in a wrong way and dominates all other sports..not fun!..
India is largely about colonial legacies and add to it corrupt money and chauvinism..that's cricket for you..
So..let's enjoy the world cup and may India's kicked out in the first round itself so that all the advertisers who would have spent some insane amount ( maybe exceeding India's education budget) would bite the dust..
Here's for a white-wash :)
Hilarious!!
I hate the fact that Cricket has turned into something so commercial and farcical affiar. I recently read in the paper that IPL organisers were asked how the cheer leaders were helping to promote the game. They obviously couldn't give any reply. Its high time to get back to the Gentleman's game without the trimmings.
Well it seems that your are not a true sports lover and 'overly-obsessed' by football, which has never been India's cup of tea. You know better, i guess? At least play the game which you have potential in, not the one in which you make mockery of yourself...AFC cup and India's performance? In cricket, at least, India is able to beat countries like Australia and England. Can you ever imagine beating these nations in any other game? So to say 'foot-ball'...Even football amuses me...you have mid-fielder...doesnt he move from mid-field ever? Soccer, as all know, is more violent game than cricket. Of course, if you remember Zidane's head-butting (head and but together...so silly na?) in WC finals? Any Indian football player of calibre of Sachin Tendulkar or Dhoni till date? Just respect the game which has earned your country some fame...
Ku2, now you know why I disable anonymous posts on my blog. Hate cowardly morons butting in. To the Anonymous hot-air balloon just above me here in particular, get a sense of humour, lunkhead! How could anyone miss the tongue-in-cheek tone of this post when it's so drop-dead hilarious!
I actually used to watch a lot of cricket on TV years ago, starting when Ravi Shastri won an Audi at a one-dayer down under in '85. Of course, it was mostly one-day internationals I watched, Tests being t-o-o slow and taking up too much time. Though I always did love switching on the TV to see all three slips in position, a silly point, a short leg, a short square leg and/or a short mid on. Meant a very attacking field which in layman terms meant a batsman was soon about to be o+u+t. Haven't watched any cricket in years though. And I don't particularly miss it.
hello Anonymous..
You just proved my point about detesting cricket for arousing vulgar, aggressive patriotism..and insensitive too..
Have you ever heard of the likes of Talimaran Ao?..plz Google it before your all wise comments on India's potentials..
learn to respect and encourage other sports than cricket..be a sport!
PS: ku2, apologies if I have taken up the response..just that you cant stop replying to some people :)
@Kaustubh: Haha, I wouldnt actually want India to be kicked out in the first round itself. While the patriotism generated by cricket-mania is laudable, like you said, its the fanaticism of some that jars. And thanks for the help :)
@daniel: Thank you, cant take credit for it all though, I had help :) And yes, its sad that India's commercialization of cricket tends to obliterate the fact that its a gentleman's game. Would be sad indeed if the kind of hooliganism found in footie would make its way into cricket ;)
@Anon: Why the anonomity? Show yerself, I promise there'll be no leg breaks :)
I Appreciate the criticism. But rather than a defamation of cricket, this post is more about me making fun of myself and my woeful lack of knowledge about cricket and the hoopla surrounding it- in fact, anything sports-related. In fact I consider myself a footie fan but then, a few years back I thought a hat-trick was a head-trick, courtesy of Klose scoring three goals via headers.
Sorry if you missed the point completely. My bad :(
@Calliopia: Thank you, both for the defence and the compliment :) Cricket always brings me back to one summer when I was in hostel and there was the Cricket World cup playing. we could watch tv only on weekends, and that too on the cold sitting room floor of our warden :( Our seniors were fixated on the world cup and so I started sleeping on weekends since there was nothing else to do. I gained almost 10 kgs because of that, hence the anti-cricket-ism :(
Funnee.. esp. the explanation.. whew..
While in hostel, I used to play for a team called the Rabbits Team. Explanation: We had 4 Sections (or "Houses") From each, you have the Juniors, Middles and the Seniors Team. The Rabbits were the guys who didn't make it to any of the three, so I kinda know the rules, tho' I disliked playing the game as much as I do watching.
It IS definitely a huge waste of time, especially for a country looking for time to waste. And India is the only country in the world whose cricketers makes the most front pages yet hasn't won a World cup since '83. For shame!!!
Hre lo awm deuhin i awm a, i hre phian bawk sia...a ruk talin i en thin a ni ang :P
Keipawh luliana sawi khi ka thlawp. Hetiang em em a ziak thei tur chuan tlem i en ve thin tal aniang.Bwahahaha.
Bowlers have six chances to bowl the ball. So there was this game where the commentator said..
And.. the Viv Richard has hit Kapil Dev's ball out of the ground!! One Ball!
Cricket tih hrim2 ka hmuh khian ka lo "bored" nghal top..lol. I remember watching one whole game while I was in Mysore hostel, coz it was the only option. All the girls wanted to watch it, but hey, it was quite fun. ka hriatthiam ve phah, and India won. I think it was against Pakistan. mahse tunah chuan a mik a mak pawh ka hre leh tawh chuang lo :D
well....nice to see all coming out of their (w)holes and making all sorts of sounds. Like what Calliopia said..in a one-dayer in 1985...correct but he won an Audi not for just an ODI but an entire gruesome series lasting so many days....it involved hell lot of efforts from Shastri to win "Champions of Champions" award....and then al about test cricket....you call it slow but this test of patience and thats why it is called TEST cricket....evetything short and quick like T20 might kill the real strengths of players...@ Kaustubh- you took out a name from google itself...Do you know why Brisbane cricket ground is known as GABBA? nobody knows everything...so dont show your brilliance by asking things which you might know by chance..i guess you didnt even understand my comment in properiety and adviced me to be a sport...ok i take it...thanx....@ Daniel--- is it only cricket which has turned into commercial interest? what about Real Madrid and Barcelona buying players for billions? its everywhere dear friend...at least the blogger herself made the sensitive comment....she admitted that she was making fun of her limited knowledge abt cricket, which i admire....its nothing against anyone...but only i spoke abt cricket and all (except Ku2) spoke about me...good to know... :-)
I hate cricket! Esp out here when it can directly affect your life on so many levels. I can think of only one time I've 'liked' cricket - I walked into this place to meet some girlfriends and wonder of wonders - I came upon a room full of handsome men in cricket uniform - in this land of unattractive men (by that I mean Hyderabad). Yes no joke! I met the entire South African team and ...there's a long funny story involved :P. But to keep it short, that was the only time I can think of that I ever saw cricket in a good light haha
Boring.. boring... boring... boring.. that's the only word I can think about Cricket. I'm not much of a Sports Person myself. I don't play no sport, I prefer to sit at home and enjoy some novels. But guess what, I can play many different sports if I were forced, but I'm a master of none.
There was a time when I used to play Table Tennis because all my friends circle loved that game. If I wanted to be with them. There was a time when I used to play Badminton because my uncle (Brother of my mom) own a court. I used to be in a Football Team during my childhood 'cause my friends are all in the Team. During my 7th standard our School own Cricket Club and I joined that Club. When I was in 10th standard I was in a boarding school and Volley Ball was our only time pass. I enrolled myself as a Boxer in our locality Sporting Club. There are many sports that I played other than his but I can't recall them all.
From all of my Sports Experienced I discovered that Cricket is the most Boring game that man invented. You don't need a skill to play Cricket, any normal people can play Cricket. You don't even need to take exercise 'cause you don't need to be athletic. All you need to do is hit the ball as hard as you can and don't let the ball go pass you and hit the Wicket.
One reason of my so much dislike for Cricket could be because I live in India. Everyone around here love that game, it's the talk of the streets. Every corner you go you'll see little bit of Cricket everywhere. Even if you turned on News Channel, the only national News the have is only about Cricket. Yuvraj do that, do this. Sachin is unsold on the bid blah blah blah IPL and stuffs. It makes me sick. By the way India never win any Tournament hahahaha
The only that I'd love to play but never afford to do it is Target Shooting. How I wish I was rich enough to join a Shooting Club. Put any target I'll shoot it down. FYI I gunned down lots of birds and stuffs but I don't kill no more. I'm not sure if you call this Sport but I joined Gymnasium when I was 16 but stopped after 2 or 3 months, and joined it again from year and still working out today. It's the only sport that I do till now if call it sport.
@Black: Rabbits= guys who got picked last? heeheee :D
@Luliana and Mosa: Thil reng2 hi a ruka tih hian a nuam duh, an tia, cricket en ruk kher hi chu a nawm ka ring chiah lau :p
@Mimi: Cosmo ah hian vawi khat chu 'sexiest cricket players' te thlalak an rawn tar chuai2 a, chu takngial pawh chuan ka ngeng a chhunpha lau :D
@Jeru: Long funny story chu minlo hrilh tho laaaa, ngaihnawm dawn fu chu :D
@Alej: Khai, cricket ngainat loh chhan blogpost ziakve tawp rawh. Kan thianpa pakhat pawh Football World Cup lai khan a mood a uih thei ber bur ltk, a ngaina lo mi tan chuan tiang world cup leh tourneys ho vel hi a ninawm dawn nih hi.
Hminghriatloh khi chu ka chhang peih tawh leuh
Cricket? Well, the writing's on the wall now: you're never coming back to us now, are you? :P
But honestly, if i were asked to explain the game I'd be able to report back something along those lines.
Ku2, sorry.. Ka tum aiin ka rawn comment sei a. Ka theih ang tawka ka tih tawi tawh hnu a nih hi. Hming hriatloha hian min rawn chhang ve chhin se ka ti. :-P
wow! to think ive always considered you as a by-stander who avoids the world of sports, esp cricket. You've just opened a whole new side of you, provoked by your cricket mania, that i've totally been blinded to all these years....lolzz te kha han ti ve duah ila, i reh eee keipawh ka reh hehe
@Eve: Nice legs babe :)
Ahhh, ive exhausted my compendum of cricket knowledge, nothing more I can say.
@ Alej: Ho ltk, luanliam naah chuan insum miahloh tur :)
@Jayme: Nia, ngatinge kan reh em em. Do you news? Niminah i pi in min ron bia, a fel khop mai kha, jamie chuan a number a thlak a ti. why you not tell me? im rilru na.
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