The helpless act

At first, it wasn't an act with me. Dad's always been really overprotective of his five daughters, and we were pretty sheltered. And when we entered the real world, we were really clueless and helpless, 'specially me, whose head has always been more in the clouds than the others'.

I noticed the 'potency' of that helplessness the first time I went to a bank. This was three years ago. I felt really apprehensive since I knew zilch about what goes on in banks. I decided the best way was to ask, so I approached this clerk. At first, he was really impatient, but when he glanced at me, he got this tender look on his face. It was drizzling that day, and I never carry umbrellas with me, so I was wet, timid looking, and to top it all off, that day I was wearing my frilliest pink flowered dress.

Long story short, I suppose I looked like the quintessential damsel in distress, because he did everything for me, filling out forms, and the whole rigmarole, all with a tender smile. Ugh! I learnt later that had I done things in the customary way, I would have spent at least two hours waiting in line. At first it felt good. I tried it consciously the next time, and it worked- again! Easy, effortless. The only snag- I didn't learn anything.

Well past the age of looking prettily helpless, I've tried to fend for myself, but the backlash from my previous acts have taken their toll, and I've barely learnt how to cope. Now I'm just a ditzy female.

BFF Jamie and I have also done the helpless act countless times on traffic officials who were given demure, contrite smiles and offered kuhva, who invariably fall for the act.

There's something about girls on scooters that makes some men go "Awww" and "Oh baby" simultaneously. They are prepared to overlook traffic violations and mishaps. So much so that in recent months, there has been an outbreak of girls who barely know how to drive, let alone know traffic rules, causing minor accidents, jams and general aggravation. That's the potency of the 'weaker sex'.

And before the men smirk smugly about the duplicity of women, let me tell ya, they do it too. Many's the time I've had to clean my cousins' rooms when their places start to look and smell like pigstys. "I...I just don't know where to start... Will you help? You point and I'll do the cleaning", they'll say.

Of course, it doesn't happen like that. They'll make complete messes out of the mess, and I'll have to do the work myself. And they'll stand in a corner, putting on their most awed look, and say, "Wow, I don't know how you girls do it, and so quickly too". And I know its all an act, but I'll still feel smugly superior anyway.

I don't know if you other girls fall for their act too, or I'm just a big sucker, because I've often found myself as cleaner, suitcase packer, tea-maker, pimp, and breaking-up-er etc for my cuzs.

Anyway, what am trying to say is, the helpless act may work, its easy and fun sometimes. But the more you do it, the more the 'act' becomes real, and you end up really becoming helpless. It should be used only when you can't get what you want any other way, heheh.

Which is why I'm here, braving the elements, on my quest for knowledge- broke, tired, cold and hungry. The hunger gnaws at my insides,and the cold chills my bones, but I'll fight on. Sometimes I think wistfully of chocolates and pastries, but they're all just dreams... So I walk on, dreaming of the kindness of strangers, of angels of mercy, who might decide to send me boxes of chocolate....

Rising, Falling.

So today BFF Jamie and I went out, and everywhere we parked 'our' scooter (ours, because it's mine, but she's the driver), we had to pay 10 Rupees for parking fees. A few days ago, the fee was just Rs. 2. The fees for LMV's have also gone up from Rs. 5 to a whopping Rs. 30. That's like a 600% increase! (I think. My maths is horrible).

Soooo, why this increase? Supposedly, its to help lessen traffic congestion, to discourage people from parking their vehicles on roadsides. But traffic is as worse as ever, and there are still vehicles parked on roadsides. So is this, as many people are saying, a scheme for the government to scam money off citizens? Or is it just a hare-brained scheme devised by beleaguered traffic officials who just don't know what to do anymore?

The men's barber's association has also increased their fees from Rs. 15-20 to Rs. 30. Once again, there was a lot of justification. They have to keep up with rent payments, 'barber-ing' materials, and anyway, in other states, a haircut costs Rs.35. Barber shops are not places that I frequent, but the one time I went to one to get my nephew's hair cut, the shop was small, dirty, the service was bad, and the choice of haircut ranged from trimmed, short, very short to bald. Can we really compare our barber shops to those in other states? Apparently, you get a free head massage thrown in too. But then again, this is not an area that I'm familiar with, and I would appreciate a little enlightenment.

And clothes. Oh, for a gal who loves clothes as much as I do, it's always heartbreaking to be told that a simple lil' top would set me back by at least Rs.700. Thank God for our thriving second-hand stores, where you can get good cloth materials at cheaper rates, which you can get stitched. I try on the expensive clothes, take a pic, go away, and get the design copied by an amazing seamstress who doesn't know what she's worth yet. Expenditure- roughly 300-400 Rupees. Yes, its piracy, so what, yo ho ho, and a bagful of fake Diors.

Methinks Aizawl has a very high standard of living. The price tags are Metropolitan-worthy, but, hello, we are so not metropolitan. The price of everything is increasing, whether its clothes, food, house rents, public transportation fares etc. (And our morals are declining, as the Ram-Hmangaih-Tus say, but I'm not going into that) And yet, day by day, its becoming more and more crowded, and our villages and other cities are neglected to feed our hungry capital city.

I often wonder if we Mizos aren't a little bit too peace-loving for our own good. Price increase in many other states are so often met with riots, protests and marches. Here, there is a great outcry in newspapers and local networks, and then grumbling, we accept whatever decree is laid down to us. Not that I'm saying we should have a protest march, or maybe I am. We Mizos are too complacent (yours truly included), too fearful of rocking the boat. Sometimes I feel that we are "all talk and no action", all "sound and fury,signifying nothing" :(

There was a move a couple of years back to shift the capital from Aizawl to Thenzawl, and though as usual nothing happened, maybe it would be better if they do shift the capital there. Then Aizawl would be like what New York is to the States, while Thenzawl would be its financial capital. Then when Aizawl is levelled by the oft-predicted earthquake (Touchwood, touchwood!), our finances wouldn't be in too much of a muddle, and congestion problems would definitely be solved. Yeah, right.

Despite all my raving and ranting about her, I do love my savage land fiercely. I just wish I knew what to do about it, besides just going on and on about its many problems. And I wish I don't know her this well, that I see her faults so clearly. And I wish I didn't love her so much that I would never leave her for another. Because seeing her like this, falling apart at the seams, and not knowing how to help her, is tearing me up inside.