Yesterday, October 13th, after almost a month of dizziness and extreme fatigue all the time, I went for a medical check-up where I found out I have sinusitis, a mild heart problem and low Blood Pressure. I was also prescribed glasses. There was a moment where, when the technician glanced at my ECG reading and exclaimed, "Oooooh", and ushered me to the doctor's room without saying anything more, that I found myself drafting my own eulogy. R.L.Stevenson's "Requiem 18" came to mind, about peacefully embracing death, as also Yeats' "When you are old and gray", which ironically, is about growing old. I then found out that my heart problem wasn't as bad as I thought it would be, though the doc told me that if I do not quit smoking ASAP, well... what idiot wouldn't choose life over death, eh? Specially someone who loves life as much as I do.
Last Sunday, October 9th, we had a guest for dinner. He had lost his wife this year and the once robust, jocular man I knew had become this silent, contemplative old man who cocks his ears as if listening for something. During dinner, he smiled wistfully while refusing the pork dish, and said, "She would sometimes hide a little bit of meat in my plate; it was our private joke- rebelling against our strict kids". My mom drew him out, and he revealed how lost and puzzled sometimes he felt at home, where her continual chatter used to fill the house. He said he rarely talks about how he misses her, because she had been the one he talked to, and with her gone, he no longer knows what to say to people. A church elder, he quips, "I grow better at sermonizing, but I no longer know how to talk".
October 8th, ten years ago, was also when my boyfriend lost his mom. This year, however, instead of visiting her grave as he usually does, he spent the day and the evening holding my gown, picking leeches off me and running with me on unpopulated roads at Hmuifang Tlang where we were taking pictures for Jamie and Henry's wedding album. When we got tired, we lay right down on the road, John Mayer playing in the background. We've regained that thing once again, where words are redundant and there's nothing more fulfilling than the other person's mere presence. His parents remain unforgotten, but we the living, reveled under the October moon, as they too must've done once upon a time.
October 6th, my best friend Jamie got married and I was her bridesmaid. Together, Jamie and I have always been a little cocky, so during the wedding ceremony, we both pretended to be shy, because brides are supposed to look shy, even when they are so not. At the reception too, while her parents were giving a speech, she dabbed her dry eyes with a handkerchief, while I looked sadly on, because brides are supposed to get a little teary-eyed at moments like those.
'Course it caught up with us later on. Jamie's always been daddy's girl, and her dad is this awesome person. Everyone knew how he grieved at the thought of his little girl going away to become someone's wife, but he put on a game face, even smiling broadly as he told Jamie goodbye. That made Jamie cry, and though her new husband Henry told me to comfort her, it was all I could do to not bawl out loud. It's hard, I guess, to see someone being brave enough to let go of someone they love, and to do that with a smile, too, so that the loved one won't feel bad. That takes a special kind of courage.
October remains my favourite month. That last magical month before the chill of winter sets in.
"All things on earth point home in old October, sailors to sea, travellers to walls and fences, hunters to field and hollow and the long voice of the hounds, the lover to the love he has forsaken"- Thomas Wolfe
N.B: Was a little confused as to what vid to post this time. Initially posted "Deam a little dream" by Beautiful South. Then I felt this Ben E. King cover of "Stand By Me" was a little more apt- conveys hope amidst life's many heartaches. Plus River Pheonix was one heckuva goodlooking kid :)
Last Sunday, October 9th, we had a guest for dinner. He had lost his wife this year and the once robust, jocular man I knew had become this silent, contemplative old man who cocks his ears as if listening for something. During dinner, he smiled wistfully while refusing the pork dish, and said, "She would sometimes hide a little bit of meat in my plate; it was our private joke- rebelling against our strict kids". My mom drew him out, and he revealed how lost and puzzled sometimes he felt at home, where her continual chatter used to fill the house. He said he rarely talks about how he misses her, because she had been the one he talked to, and with her gone, he no longer knows what to say to people. A church elder, he quips, "I grow better at sermonizing, but I no longer know how to talk".
October 8th, ten years ago, was also when my boyfriend lost his mom. This year, however, instead of visiting her grave as he usually does, he spent the day and the evening holding my gown, picking leeches off me and running with me on unpopulated roads at Hmuifang Tlang where we were taking pictures for Jamie and Henry's wedding album. When we got tired, we lay right down on the road, John Mayer playing in the background. We've regained that thing once again, where words are redundant and there's nothing more fulfilling than the other person's mere presence. His parents remain unforgotten, but we the living, reveled under the October moon, as they too must've done once upon a time.
'Course it caught up with us later on. Jamie's always been daddy's girl, and her dad is this awesome person. Everyone knew how he grieved at the thought of his little girl going away to become someone's wife, but he put on a game face, even smiling broadly as he told Jamie goodbye. That made Jamie cry, and though her new husband Henry told me to comfort her, it was all I could do to not bawl out loud. It's hard, I guess, to see someone being brave enough to let go of someone they love, and to do that with a smile, too, so that the loved one won't feel bad. That takes a special kind of courage.
October remains my favourite month. That last magical month before the chill of winter sets in.
"All things on earth point home in old October, sailors to sea, travellers to walls and fences, hunters to field and hollow and the long voice of the hounds, the lover to the love he has forsaken"- Thomas Wolfe
N.B: Was a little confused as to what vid to post this time. Initially posted "Deam a little dream" by Beautiful South. Then I felt this Ben E. King cover of "Stand By Me" was a little more apt- conveys hope amidst life's many heartaches. Plus River Pheonix was one heckuva goodlooking kid :)
7 comments:
What a lovely read. Lovely pictures. And a lovely quote to end it too.
I always think of October as a 'romantic month' as I was married in October. In fact our Anniversary is coming up soon, and I've no idea what to get for my wife.
Eh, you've been busy. Ka blog (ti ve ngei a lol) page ka delete strang khan ka theihnghilh thrin alawm hahah. Ziak lampang hi ka til then zawng a nih em em hranpa loh bawk avangin ka ka thlah liam ta a nih kha.
Chuan, lo update zing deuh la...
Spoke to Jay-Me while I was at home, but regrettably, I couldn't extend my vacation long enough to be there at her wedding. :(
You second para is really sad and poignant. :(
Great read overall.
I couldn't see the pictures.. :-(
Meizial te chu nghei a ngai hleinem, zuk loh a ni mai lawm. :-) Been a regular smoker since I was 12 and I stop smoking from this year.. it was more 10 years..
Don't quit, stop!! :-)
Nice read. Come two years , I will write a sad piece on how my love had forsaken me ... this Oktober :D
@Caliopia: Thank you. i too loved the quote so much, i tried to build this post around it :D
@daniel: get her something impractical! and yes, october is such an ideal month to get married in :)
@lucy: nia, nge i tihtawp kher, inla buai em mai, keipoh ka thluak a blank tran, ziahtur a vang tawh ltk, hihi
@mizohican: thankss. Jayme made a lovely bride.
@alejandro: ti bik nge aw, ilo hmuh theihloh bik le? nia,a harsa reuh ltk, a engapoh hi, quitting or stopping
@khabezuma: memories too painful right now? some of the best words come out of heartbreak, so you should think about penning some now :)
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