He's wrong. It's an all-consuming fiery crimson red.What gets your goat? Normally a relatively placid being, these days I'm like a lit firecracker, exploding at every turn.
Its been a busy, busy time- house construction, demolition, moving, cantankerous nephews to babysit and personal problems of my own, which all adds up to make me a very volatile person right now. I'm generally "Slow to anger, quick to forgive", or at least I think I am. But when I do get mad, I need a good, healthy bellow before I can move on.
I wish I could be like those people who, when they get mad, keep silent and go away for a while and return when all's well. Me, when I can't find an outlet I brood and my anger just builds. And now its even worse because it seems my temper is frayed all the time. And the sucky part about my kind of anger is, its the kind that's a precursor for crimes of passion.
Take my conversation with my hyper-active 5 year old nephew yesterday.
He: "Nu Kuku, can I play with your lat-top, Anuteii's det-top doesn't have bike games.
Me: There's none in mine either, bawih. Besides, I told you you can use my laptop only when you turn 7.
He: pleasepleasepleasepleasePLEASEPLEASEPLEASE....
Me: No. Here's some crayons. Go play.
He: No (throws them away)
Me: NGE I PAIHHHH!!!!??? CHHAR VAT RAWH!!!! I
He: (startled, backs away) Nu Kuku, min ngei ami? (Do you hate me?) *walks away sadly.
Me: No... (heart breaks)
These days it seems my family gives me side-long glances, then hastily averts their eyes when I look at them. I try. I really try to be calm. I take out my Bible very night and pray. But right now Im currently on the chapter where Eve's descendants are cursed to battle forever with the snake, so I guess I'm in battle mode too.
12 comments:
Ah, sorry to sound unsympathetic but LOL you do battle mode write-up excellently well! And it's a busy time for me too. While this is a busy time at work, our maid chose to walk out on us early last Tuesday morning so my sister and I have been running ourselves ragged doing housework and going to work every day. I'm on CL today because I'm too tired not to be on leave.
Blogging is a great way to vent and readers understand and sympathize ever so sweetly so I'm sure this post will destress and pacify you no end. And chin up, this too shall pass.
Maybe its that time of the month :D. For what its worth this person too is avoided constantly by family members when the rage flares up, and believe me its always the kind "that's a precursor for crimes of passion"... so don't be too hard on yourself. Anger is all about being passionate and that's definitely much better than indifference.. at least that's how I justify my actions at times when self control is all but lost :P
'Drop his name
Push it in and twist the knife again
Watch my face
As I pretend to feel no pain pain pain'
Maybe appropiate song for you now, taken from Battle Studies album,Heartbreak Warfare by John Mayer.
@Miss C: Def'ly a good venting tool. And we too have this lady who helps out and she inconsiderately fell sick, bleh :D
And taking CL- you are perfectly justified!
@Dean: I rather think it is :D
Ive run out of self-justifications for my current hot-temper.So I blogged and Im gettin a whole new set of justifications :D
@Dr.Feelgood: I love, love, love John Mayer. And heartbreak warfare- gawwwddd, I looove the battle imagery he uses in the song.
Huge smiley now :)
hmmm..ku2 and anger??...just doesnt sound "original"..one thing's for sure..ur family prob'ly thnk u r becoming a superhero, the family's own!! u r lucky u have all sorts of drama happening - with ur nephews around especially..u'll surely b the coolest aunt ever..and u'll def enjoy tellin them their childhood stories later..ps i like this "lat-top" nephew already....
There's a RATM song where between the silence of the verse and chorus de la Rocha says (not sings) quietly in the background : "Anger is a gift".
Furiously looking for a 12 step anger managment seminar for the outraged you. Will report back soon. ( How can a heart be soooo angry?)
I'm going to share a wise nugget that I've used on my niece when she throws a fit. "You may be the princess, but I am still the Queen."
And we're allowed to be as expressive as possible in my family. Only when it goes overboard do I use this on her.
Believe me, it's better to vent out the anger. Controlled emotions lead to Dexters in the making. And no, i'm not talking about the geek cartoon.
@Gr: Im no longer the too-lazy-to-get-mad roomie you once knew. Now I'm both lazy and mad. Lat-top nephew's wonderful in bursts but when you spend too much time with him, you feel your brain slowly combusting with the onslaught of questions and quick darting movements.
@PnB: Guess I havent felt enraged enough to really connect to RATM's music. Pointless anger corrodes.
@Eve: A 3-step program will do :D
1. Lemme rant.
2. Tell me a Cheesy joke.
3. Gimme a Bear hug.
And Ku2's back to her normal ditzy, giggly self.
This nephew's sneaky. He can out-argue a posse of lawyers with straightforward kid logic.
RATM hla chu in soi chu..freedom..sawi ve mai mai ni e..chuan rage ho hla ho hi ngaihthlak chian chuan thinrim na lampang hi a tam ve hrim hrim..hei vang pawh hi ania band dang zong2 aia an danglam ve na,thinrim sathliah ni chuang si lo, awmze nei, story nei.. epic deuh2 hian ti tlangpui a, a bik takin american indian ho thlavang khu a hauh ve hrim hrim bok nen..topic nen in hlat deuh mahse ka rawn tlak ve ta duah anih kha, akhaia!!mahse thinrim lai chuan ngaihthlak a nuam ve mai mai alom..you can actually feel the anger in his voice..mahse hmeichhe tan chuan ngaihthlak a peihawm ka ring kher chuang lo
You don't sound too bad at all, at least not in the sample you gave. Old, over the hill inti calm and patient me would react much the same way or worse.
But if you feel anger all the time, you could need a medical checkup, or may be just some tonic or vitamins.
@Anon: RATM hi chu ni e,a ngaihthlak lam aiin an lyrics chhiarah ka tui zawk tlata :D Ngaihtuah a tithui thei tawp alom. Mainstream rock leh indie hian ka thinrim hi min la tawiawm theia, ka la thinrim em em lo aniange.
@Mesjay: He2, no, I dont think I need medical help just yet, but am getting there :D Nothin that a good night's sleep, regular feedings, laugh fest with friends and some good music cant cure.
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