Reblog

"Are you allowed to miss something that’s still here? Too often we are unaware of what we have before it slips through our fingers and is lost to the powers of the universe. But I’m aware, I appreciate.I work hard. I write inspired by your love, but everyday another piece of sand passes down the hour glass. I sit here helplessly a bystander to my own fate. I think what it would be like, telling you I feel your subtle distance or see the look in your eyes when you speak, but every time I think of this, I think of the second after, when I lose you. So I sit here, silently begging fate to grant me time, serenity, numbness."


http://www.sincesheleft.com/page/2

MTV Rocks

Back in 1989, my family finally got the much-anticipated Star TV. There were just 4 channels then- Star Sports, BBC. Star Plus and (drumroll please) MTV. While watchable- TV before that consisted of 8 'o' clock Chitrahaar, the McGuyver series and Saturday morning cartoons,  there suddenly was this whole new world of watchable TV, all the friggin' time!!

Those of that generation would remember VJs Nonie, Danny McGill and Kamal Sidhu, the Billboard, European and Asian Countdowns, the programs like Headbanger's Ball, MTV Unplugged, and and..okay I cant remember the rest. This was the era of rock. Guns and Roses, Motley Crue, Poison, Skid Row, Warrant, Damn Yankees, hell, it seemed like all MTV played then were a series of wild haired, mascaraed rockers in skin tight leather pants screeching the hell out of electric guitars. The few pop acts like Tommy Page (fnar fnar), Erasure, Crowded House, Colour me Badd etc and hip-hoppers like McHammer, Kriss Kross, TLC and The Fresh Prince, and one hit wonders like Lisa Loeb, The Proclaimers, Julian Lennon and Spin Doctors only added to the appeal. God I loved MTV. 

MTV Unplugged, Gawwwdd! I think Eric Clapton's "Layla" was the first song I heard on the show. I still love that song. The other snatches of performances I remember were those of Pearl Jam, Queensryche, Mariah Carey, Stone Temple Pilots, Robert Plant and Nirvana, omg Nirvana. Later on, there were those acts like Dr."its my life" Alban, Snap, those people who sang "Hot stepper", "Another night another dream" etc :D U2 got zooropaed, RHCP gave it away, GnR became Estranged and rocked the Garden of Eden. A new era dawned. Take That arrived on the scene.

I admit to immersing myself in the whole Boy/Girl band scene. Im still a huge fan of Robbie Williams, and the occasional BSB, Boyzone and Spice Girl song. I remember drafting unsent "letter of the day"s to VJ Utt, complete with multi-colored fonts and pictures of artists. But alternative and grunge rock still ruled, and bands like Oasis, Foo Fighters, Green Day, Garbage, No Doubt and Smashing Pumpkins still ruled my "rewind with reynolds pen and rejuvenated -by- biting batteries" walkman. While MTVIndia started to OD on Bollywood songs and boy/girl bands, rock acts like Third Eye Blind, 3 Doors Down, Lit, Train and the like quietly made their way onto the mainstream. 

These days I only ever watch VH1's "Classic" and "Rock Rules". Most of the time, its hip-hoppers on show. Im sure those artists are all very talented in their own way and, gah! Im trying to be diplomatic and not diss anyone's musical tastes but, gawd! I happened to watch an interview by Will.i.am about his upcoming video, which he describes as a tribute to women and the legacy they got from their mothers. It intrigued me and I waited for the video. It turned out to be just another video of scantily clad women gyrating to Will.i.am's chant. "Tell me where you got your body from?" and the girls squeal "I got it from my mamma". Technically, he was right, but pleaaassseee. Why don't modern artists like Damien Rice, Regina Spektor, Schuyler Fisk, Stone Sour and the like ever get airplay???

Maybe Im old and set in my ways. I no longer find the appeal of  "friday, friday", and learning how to dougie and being a teenage dream. I'd still rather shake my money-maker, make a grown man cry, blow in the wind and crawl into my heart-shaped box. I miss MTVAsia and the era of rock and roll.  I always vowed I'd keep up with the times and that when I become a mom,  I'd try to be interested in the music of my children's generation. Now I vow I'm going to inundate my kids with rock music from the foetal stage itself by strapping earphones to my swollen belly and playing music thats actually music! 

P.S: There's a rumour circulating on the net that today the world will end. Even if it really does, then this post is a fitting swan song for me. Music, music, music. And love- the initial attraction to the love of my life was rock music. He played "Free Fallin'", "Wish you were here", "Loser" and "Plush" on the guitar the night we met. And the music plays on.

Unfinished

Nothing interests me for long these days. Same with the things that preoccupy me. Nothing holds my attention. So heres a series of posts that Ive started on, and then stopped. 


It sometimes seems like something out of a farcical movie, the way some of our policemen bungle things. While there are certainly good ones, there are those who think they are above the law, those who mess up forensic evidences, those who don't seem to understand what "police protection" means, and those who have absolutely no clue about the protocols involved in law enforcement.
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There's a practice among certain churches to print out the list of money given by individual families to the church. Some families are lauded because they gave so much. I hate this practice because it smacks of that parable about the widow and that rich guy. The rich guy gave a lot, but the widow gave more, because, while her offering was a mere pittance monetarily, she gave as much as she could, willingly, while the rich guy's offering was just a drop in the bucket for him, and given not out of the spirit of giving, but out of a wish to appear generous. 


Its the same thing when we laud those who give the most in terms of monetary worth. The disparity in income among families is something that has to be taken into consideration. 
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Sometimes I think the reason why I love who I love has more to do with how they make me feel rather than who they are in themselves. Maybe that sounds screwed up. And maybe Im not the best authority on this love thing after all. I mean, how do you define love, really? 


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Ted's romantic quests in "How I Met Your Mother" grows tedious. Find the damn mother already. Damn him and Robin, the blue French horn and the rain-making and the welcome mat and the soundtrack that fits every damn situation. And Regina Spektor's "Better" playing at the end of that episode where he has to watch  the girl who left him at the altar cozying up to the other guy. Damn Ted for being such a love-whore. Why does he fall in love so easily and so often?  
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There is music that breaks your heart. The kind that makes you realise that other people too, know just what your'e going through, and that, while your experiences may be different, there is that universal feeling of loving and needing to be loved back... 


John Mayer makes heartbreak and the imminent death of a relationship sound so agonisingly wonderful. "Slow dancing in a burning room", especially that live performance in L.A, where the two guitars duel it out. (corn upcoming) . It sounds like the cry of two love-torn hearts locked up in a silent battle against what it is that drives them apart. 
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In recent times, there has been an outcry among the older generations regarding how today's generation no longer live up to the values of Christianity and Mizo culture as so honourably upheld by them, our forefathers. One of the measures proposed towards re-instilling a sense of tradition and devoutness is the move to incorporate the Puan into the working lives of Mizo women.

Based on the way they talk about it, it would seem that the Puan is the repository of Mizoness and Christianity for Mizo women.

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And nothing has changed. Im still the same. I still get bored easily. Im still unmotivated. Chaos still inspires me and calm deadens my muse, whatever I have of her. 

Bridal stuff

A friend recently said "The Royal Wedding is every girl's ideal fairy-tale wedding". I guess I'm not girl enough because it's not my ideal. I watched the wedding spuriously, not being that interested in it anyway. I noticed the funny hats, the guys in the Union Jack underpants, the bride and groom, the Beckhams and the absolutely cooooool car that someone rode in- black, sleek, streamlined, shiny..where was I?

Oh yeah. Weddings. I suppose the royal wedding was romantic - if your'e into that sort of thing. Little girls imagine what their wedding day would be like, but I spent my little girlhood being wrestled, tied up and left for dead by my cousins. Ok, not dead, just till I started crying, which was seldom because they told me only sissy girls cried and I didn't want to be a sissy girl. Maybe that was it, but I've been notoriously commitment-phobic ever since. Well, till I met this guy. And I started weaving wedding day dreams, and I'm not so little, nor so young, but I dream dreams just the same. Or maybe not the same.

 You see, I want a monsoon wedding. I don't want a decorous wedding where everything is perfect. I want to get my dress muddied and my mascara streaked and my husband's shoes all squelchy. I want my guests to run helter-skelter while I laugh out loud at the sight of matronly women clutching their puans and the men rushing off to do whatver men do when it rains at weddings.

Oh, and I'm renting a dress. I'm not the kind of girl who feels romantic when she looks at a dress. I'd actually like to wear our traditional Puanchei but a lot of the women will wear it too, and I'm vain enough that I want to be very visible on my day. Contrary to what people say, that weddings are really a show put on for the assorted guests, its going to be my day. I'm going to make sure of it. I'd rather save the money for the dress and use it to go off on a trip. That's more romantic and memorable than a dress. 


And I've always wanted it to be in the month of October. Maybe because its  the month where the moon is at its brightest, the weather is at its pleasantest or maybe because its our traditional Khuangchawi Thla, I don't know, but October just always sounded right.

But then again, I don't really care when, where and how I'm married. What matters is the marriage and the wedding's just a small part of it. So long as I'm with the man I love, I don't care if its freezing, or raining or sweltering.

I'm not cut out to be a Princess Bride. All I'm good for, I think, is being the occasional nag, the loud champion, the overprotective mom, the occasional bitch and the girl he grows old with.